Premise of the Book (from the author)
When faced with conflict, we usually behave in harmful ways: We run, ignore or fight.
I call this pattern the Cycle of Weakening Behavior.
When caught up in this cycle we hurt and so often turn to others for help. However, most of the “help” we get is hurtful because it is weakening. Actually, most people do not know how to help.
We can only stop this cycle when we learn how to behave better. This book describes six concepts and six skills that can be learned and used to change the way we live. The process involves building awareness of who we are and where we want to go, creating trust in relationships, and, out of meaningful levels of trust, solving our problems. This process is called the Cycle of Strengthening Behavior.
The book will give you awareness and knowledge of human relations principles and a commitment to use skills which, when used in combination, provide the ingredients to enable you to become a loving, person who is able to positively influence others around you.
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Equals Relationships: A Measure of Success
One test of how well we use the skills taught in this book is our ability to form equals relationships.
Of course, equality doesn’t mean that two people are the same in terms of power or authority. It is deeper than that. It means that each person has a deep respect for the other and seeks to interact, at all times, in ways that strengthen and enhance one another as well as achieve win-win outcomes. The relationship is as important as the issue or task at hand.
Too often we see one another as objects or even adversaries whom we must dominate or compete or from whom we must protect ourselves. The consequence is alienation, mistrust and ill-will.
On the other hand, when we can look into another person’s eyes and relate to him or her with decency and humanness, even if we disagree, we build trust and goodwill. We learn to work through differences and find outcomes that are good for each of us.
Such relationships (whether husband and wife, parent and child or boss and employee) bring a depth and richness to life. Learning good communication skills is the means by which such equality can happen.
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